Ever the dilligent blogger, here I am more than a year later. I am having "one of those days" so naturally, unironically, I reach out to the humble masses on the interweb--none of whom are reading this* -- to whine...or something.

Word on the street is...I'm very very bad at being unemployed, yet I dream about it while I'm working. Actually I'm not even unemployed, just on hiatus, which would be a completely different, allegedly blissful thing were it not for the chaos that rained down upon us the Friday before I left. All in all, I've been productive this week. Managed to accomplish more than a sliver of all the scads of projects I have in mind. Really. Monday I was a dynamo. Tuesday...well, can't really remember what I did Tuesday, but I think it involved shopping and chores. All good. Wednesday, saw the family. Have been to the gym twice. Today, I'm just low energy and not good at coping with it. The lunch with Mom was lovely but felt like cheating...I saw her yesterday. The nap that should have been delicious was sticky and did not revive me. The walk to Porto's for coffee and treat was remarkable mostly for the guilt-ridden line I gave the smiling Greenpeace guy at the door. No guilt about the cheese roll and coffee...how could something so exquisite be wrong? My Ikea project that followed was doomed from the start--tho yea I knew it not--two pieces were too small. And instead of scarfing a bit of dinner and bolting to Ikea to exchange the pieces, I decided I'd treat myself to an evening of relaxing on the couch.

Didn't work. Feeling hot and guilty. It's 10:34 and I should crack open the SketchUp (as promised, my own crazy video game), but somehow it almost feels like I don't have enough time. When the energy's up, it's up, but when I'm down I'm just sluggish and feel bad. No good reason, but feeling drifty and shiftless and sleepy and irritable, and not good at shaking it off. Oh, these chemicals. Thinking about a second beer, but will that really help?

Need to lower expectations of what one can accomplish in a day, a week, a month. Don't want to spend my whole life getting started. And--don't get me wrong--I have done a lot of good work project this year, but...need balance. Need tools to deal with the down days. But that requires discipline and research, which kinda means another project.

Tomorrow I'll be better, and I'll also be a day closer to returning to work.

* My apologies to the Brazilian tee shirt vendor who's commented. You don't really count.

It's always strange when you meet up with an old, well, not a friend, exactly, but someone who's brain you've always admired (breadth and depth...also, interestingly only to me, a J.C.) and you find out they have a blog.

And a lot of the grand opinions you had about them are confirmed, but you start reading all this philosophical stuff they profess and it kinda scares you.

And you realize that the tenuous connection you had with them is a speck beside this overwhelming interest they hold in their lives that you knew little about and--actually--scares you a bit.

And you wonder what you--never known for your silver tongue or your easy dissembling--will say/think/feel to them/about them the next time you see them.

This false internet honesty creeps me out sometimes.

Just a quick post...a quick online promise to use my unexpected unemployment well.

The three boxes, one tube and one mirror I've been working on will be transformed from nearly complete to complete, and I will post them on Etsy and advertise to my friends.

I will also foray to the outside furniture junk pile and assess the pair of barstools AND the metal chair frame for soundness...and start stripping them!

retro spaceman organik

Yes, indeed, the best "shot" from my first roll of Holga shots. The start of a great relationship. Somehow I need to remember to remove the lens cap and advance the film, but it's fun.

Last night I finally finished Len's Xmas present of 2005. Sometimes done is better than perfect, and that is the case here. I am pleased with one side and a little horrified by the other, mostly b/c of the unholy combination of brown and blaze orange. I'll post pix tomorrow(ish). Elke, bless her, helps. Soft and black attracts soft and black.


My delight was somewhat diminished by needing to move mess--I like to call the lot "my tools"--away from the wall out back, so the painters can powerwash. I feel a bit weighed down by all the stuff in my life and I am encouraged to weave the bits and pieces into Sloe Goods. It's a bit of a challenge focusing on reclaiming old junk rather than starting with new materials, but so far I'm finding myself more inspired than not.

Macie sent me an article from one of those "thought for the day" things you can sign up for. This one has a spiritual/self-help bent. There are a lot of good bits in the article, even for Juliane, a serial zoner-out while reading spiritual writing. A Bartlett's-worthy John Milton quote ("The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven.") and a call to Be The Change (yes, Juliane, you can control your destiny): "Experiment with a circumstance that you might normally interpret to be distinctly unpleasant and see how your state of mind influences that experience." She sent it as a unexpected bandaid for a spiritual paper cut I was dealing with. All good.

But one thing here was new to me--or at least said in a new way I don't want to forget.

The article describes two men who were kidnapped and held--together--by terrorists in Beirut in the 80s. “We both instinctively knew never to share weakness until you understood it,” writes Brian Keenan. “'Share only strength' was an unspoken motto between us.”

Good point.

five minutes

Go! Now!